


Fallen angels and broken dreams

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, HALF FAKE I SWEAR
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 04:55:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1675475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a contest and a broken emotional box. Updates to be sporadic and slow because writing about feelings is hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fallen angels and broken dreams

Dear Blake,

I don’t remember when or where really but I can’t deny it, it was there from the first time I met you. You were really cool to me, playing saxophone and all but I couldn’t shake this feeling that you were a dork. And it turns out, I was right.

I don’t remember when I started trying to be your friend. I remember starting to talk to you about the silliest things. But I remember loving it. And I remember feeling my chest swell and feeling like I couldn’t breath right. I remember feeling like the world had no problems.

I don’t remember if you were annoyed by me but you probably were and that hurts me now, when I think of back then. Because I truly loved you, not just petty school crushes, no I really loved you and it hurt thinking that I annoyed you but it was probably true wasn’t it.

I remember when you told me you played piano and guitar as well as saxophone and I remember when you smiled that silly smile of yours that looked like a v. I remember how your teeth were slightly crooked but it fit your smile. I remember that I wanted to kiss your cheek that day but I couldn’t gather the courage.

I remember following you everywhere. I remember wishing I shared more classes with you. I remember feeling hurt when you forgot we were dating but that wouldn’t have worked out anyways would it have. I remember wanting to spill everything to you but unable to.

I remember loving you from the moment I met you in sixth grade and I haven’t stopped since.

* * *

Dear Blake,

Seventh grade came and went. You told me that we were better off friends and I agreed but still I followed you around like a puppy, wishing you knew that I wanted to hug you at least. I remember tripping over that hurdle and scraping the side of my face, feeling nothing but adrenaline. Now I wish I saw your reaction.

I remember wanting to spend all my time with you but I couldn’t, not with other friends around. I remember spilling to Alyssa that I still liked you, even after she broke up with you. She was one of those girls I didn’t know I could stand, always hopping around from crush to crush.

I remember crying at night, when my mom told me I’d probably go to NP high school or Cam high instead of TO. I wondered if you’d miss me, if you’d think of me as much as I thought of you. I remember wanting to maximize my time with you but couldn’t.

I remember sharing science class with you. I was such a jerk, wasn’t I. I was and really, I still am. I’m sorry about that.

I remember wanting so badly to stand by your side, to want to love you openly but I condemned myself to something we see in fictional novels and tv series. Unrequited love. It was so bitter, and I wanted it gone.

I wondered if I would love anyone like I did you.

* * *

 

Dear Blake,

Eighth grade passed fast and still I was your friend, sharing one class only. Or, I believe it was one class, Only two years ago and I’m forgetting everything. But I’ll never forget you.

That year I couldn’t attend promotion. I went to the practice and spent an entire day near you.

It was one of the best days of my life.

I saw you that summer and I don’t know what I wanted because I couldn’t think.

I was a mess and at the center was you, and by no fault of your own I began to die. Slowly I became less kind and more cruel but no one says so. I was mean and selfish and greedy and angry and frustrated. No one says so. They all say I am kind, I am selfless, I am generous, cheerful, relaxed. I don’t think so.

Do you?

* * *

 

Dear Blake,

You were so funny and so happy and I really loved you. Like a friend at first because you made me laugh, long and hard. You were so kind, you were so open. I didn’t realize it then but you liked me back then didn’t you?

Did you like me when I wasn’t there? Did you think about me like I dreamed of you? Did you ever love me?

I did, I did it all. I dreamed, I thought, I imagined. I loved you but I didn’t know what love was then.

* * *

 

Dear Blake,

I forgot about it until now. And I just couldn’t take it. I had so many issues. I sobbed, burying my heart in a pool of salt tears. I screamed to the flaming balls of gas that dappled the black sky like freckles on a face. I yelled and threw things. I pushed people away that I had pulled so close.  Finally, I just couldn’t take it. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to do this, I didn’t mean to die. I mean it was just an accident. I’m so sorry Blake I-

 

 


End file.
